If Pizza Places Worked Like Wedding Caterers
- Me: Hey, I'd like to order a pizza.
- Pizza Place: Great! What would you like on it?
- Me: Well, what sort of toppings do you have?
- Pizza Place: We have all the toppings. We want this to be your dream pizza!
- Me: Okay, how about mushrooms.
- Pizza Place: We don't have mushrooms.
- Me: Pepperoni?
- Pizza Place: Maybe!
- Me: Maybe? Okay, seriously, why don't you tell me what you have.
- Pizza Place: Alright, I guess you could look at this extensive list of pizzas we've made before. It's exactly what you originally asked for, but I withheld it for no reason. Really we can do anything. We want this to be your dream pizza!
- Me: Yeah, I heard you the first time. If I get a Supreme and a Classico how much will that cost?
- Pizza Place: ...
- Me: ...
- Pizza Place: ...
- Me: Hello?
- Pizza Place: Hello! How can I help you?
- Me: ... Yes... how much would it cost to get the Supreme and the Classico?
- Pizza Place: Is that what you want to order?
- Me: I don't know, it depends on how much it costs.
- Pizza Place: I see.
- Me: ...
- Pizza Place: ...
- Me: ...
- Pizza Place: Have you decided what you want to order yet?
- Me: I just want to -- fine, whatever. We'll have the Supreme and the Classico.
- Pizza Place: Wonderful! That will be $200.
- Me: That's an awful lot for two pizzas.
- Pizza Place: They're very good pizzas. You can try a sample if you want.
- Me: Alright, can I come around now?
- Pizza Place: We're busy for the next three months. Completely booked, in fact.
- Me: ... Really?
- Pizza Place: Yep.
- Me: Fine. I'll come taste it in three months.
- Pizza Place: Oh, that may not work. I'll have to get back to you.
- Me: Forget it! We'll just take the pizzas.
- Pizza Place: Wonderful! It's been so nice doing business with you. We'll deliver this in ten months. Oh, and I did tell you about the delivery fee, box fee, tiny plastic table fee, napkin fee, and red pepper fee, right?
- Me: ... sigh...
